Showing posts with label Sachin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sachin. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sinbad’s Afterlife Blues: A Poem by Sachin Ketkar

Sinbad’s Afterlife Blues
Sachin Ketkar

Ocean is an old discarded myth.

I hear the leisurely blue songs
Of the whale swimming
Serenely
At the back of my mind
I view her sprout jets of love
As she dives and crashes
I thought she was an island
On which I could live
But she fled.

I have gone down under the waves of sleep
Waters as voluptuous as death
Have engulfed me

When I open my eyes
The world turns its back upon me

They say
She is just a blue apparition
On an inky night

Her songs are the merely moving ridges
Tumbling over one another

Plug your ears they say

Now that I am just a pallid corpse
Floating like a weed under the sea
I will reach out to her

And let her secret songs
Run like silk through my veins

12 August 2010                     12 pm

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Return of Jarasandha (and Ravana too)

The Mahabharata talks about Jarasandha the king of Magadha who was born in two separate halves to twin mothers and was slain by Bhima in a wrestling combat. The two halves were put together by a witch called Jara and hence his name. Bhima, in a combat which lasted 27 days, would tear him into two and by magical power, both the halves would come together. Finally, Krishna picked up a piece of straw and broke it into two and threw the halves in opposite directions and the intelligent Bhima picks up the cue and tears Jarasandha into two and throws the halves in opposite directions. The two halves thus cannot come together and Jarasandha dies. My memory of the story comes, of course, from the Amar Chitra Katha.




Jarasandha has returned.This time as a trope for splitting and division of self at multiple levels of being:emotional, personal, social, cultural, and spiritual.  He is reborn in my Marathi poem,` Jarasandhachya Blogvarche Kahi Ansh' which is the title of my second collection of Marathi poems. My first collection of Marathi poems was titled, ` Bhintishivaichya Khidkitun Dokavtana' ( click here to download my first collection) which was published by Abhidhanantar Prakashan, Mumbai in 2004. So the second collection has appeared after almost five to six years and consists of most of my poems written in the period.  The cacophonic collection is a parodic collage of ready made narrative materials in the public domain- from James Bond, Harry Potter and Peter Parker to Ravana, Jarasanda and the Bible. There is a distinct shift in the poetics from extremely subjective, surreal and  self obsessed agonies of the first collection to parodic use of public personas, narratives and motifs. Though the chief characteristic of my poetry, the visual and surreal imagery, persists. The cover of the collection is a fantastic painting titled The Colour of Genesis I by a well-known Marathi visual artist Deepak Shinde.




My poems don't set out on a predetermined journey. They usually begin with a startling image or a motif which singes my being and I explore the possibilities inherent in this seed. I don't know what tree it will turn out to be. I have written a footnote on my poems in one of my blog entries.It discusses various contexts of my poetry and creative process.


Here is a poem from my newly born Marathi collection translated into English by yours truly. It is contemporary soliloquy of Ravana


Ten Asides for Ten Heads


i)

The elixir of immortality
In the navel
Of this ten faced world
Has dried out

I place my longish demonic fingers
On the navel
And click
But I hear no beep

Its ten thousand windows
Must have crashed
I guess

ii)

You think Ravana was a single person
Or that his world had a single face
In fact, for your information
His bliss was also ten-faced
His agony was ten-faced too
He used to laugh
In ten different ways
At a single joke
He used to weep
His single grief
In ten different ways

iii)

Go and tell your one-headed Rama
To do whatever he liked in his life
But never try his hand
At poetry

Leave such things
To people like us

And drown himself
In that one-headed Sharayu

iv)

I have seen this world
Ten times more than you have
I have seen clearly
With my twenty eyes
How all things have ten sides

Pray tell me then
How can I shed light
On my ten-headed world
With your one-headed language?
How can I express
What I feel about Sita?
How can I explain
What I felt
When they humiliated my sister?

My mother tongue
Has ten grammatical numbers

How will I write poetry
In your language
Which has only two?

v)

Valmiki must have managed somehow
To write the flat one-headed story
Of Rama’s life

But kindly assign
The job of writing
My authorized biography
To Vyasa

And appoint ten Ganeshas
As his stenographer
For composing this Maha-Lanka

vi)


Your three stepped syllogism
Is useless
When it comes to understanding me

The seven-stepped logic
Of the Jainas
Is equally futile

Discover first
A ten part syllogism
First invent a language
With ten grammatical numbers for me

Bury your mono-directional
Monotonous language first

Throw away the formula
Of the Rama nama chant
And recognize me
As the true Deity of your heart

Because
With my single head
I can watch ten different channels
At a time on the TV

At a time
I can browse
At least ten different brands in the mall

I can chat at least
With ten different people
At a time

I can discuss twenty different topics
With twenty different people
With my twenty cell phones
On my twenty ears


vii)

Welcome, folks to my palace

Look at my well furnished bathroom
But I hope you won’t be so stupid
As to ask me why
There are ten mirrors here
Or ten tooth brushes
Or mouth fresheners of ten different flavours
Or ten tongue cleaners here

My soul is dual-core
Multi-tasking is my very nature

viii)

My mother had just two breasts
Women unfortunately just have two
That’s the reason why
I need either
At least ten women at a time
Or a single complete woman
With ten hands and ten breasts

However, I feel Lord Shambhunath
Has benevolently obliged womankind
By not creating such women

Had he made such a woman
We would have committed
Atrocities on her ten times over

Indeed
Even if men have a single organ
Their hunger is of ten different kinds
Their thirst has ten faces

Conversant as I am
With these things
In my old age
I am planning to write
For the ten-headed men
A different Kamsutra with ten sutras

Book your copy today
And get a prepublication discount
On my autographed copy

Ten conditions, of course
Apply.


ix)


You must have realized by now
That this glossy resplendent world
Is my empire

My close circuit cameras
Watch over all ten directions

I have detailed information
About what you do
Or do not do
In the mall

This world is my circular prison
All of you are my unknowing prisoners
My innumerable cameras
Keep a close watch
Over your every move
Over infinitesimal vibration of your thought
If you do anything out of the way
Mind you
You will have to face me

x)

However,
Only I know my true tragedy

Your one-headed Rama
Could never fathom my secret
His puritan Brahmastra
Could never find its way to my navel
As he never knew
Where it was

My heart has sprouted ten heads too
I sit and cry
In the ten-headed darkness

This Sharayu of yours
Is made of my ten types of tears
I have cried
Till my heart has turned schizophrenic

You alone can find my navel
And free me of my ten souls
Or else in the end
I will have to commit
Postmodern Harakiri myself

( Translated from Marathi by the Poet)



If you are interested in the collection, please feel free to write to me at sachinketkar at gmail dot com.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Of Gender , Sexuality and other Disasters

One of my friends asked me to chair a session or two at the forthcoming one-day seminar on ` Gay and Lesbian Studies: The Indian Context' and she said that one of my colleagues had turned down the offer because he was ` straight' and ` still interested in women'. Not very funny perhaps.

I agreed to the idea even if it was not my area of academic research. The area of gender and sexuality is probably one of the most interesting area of research probably. If someone stupid would ask me why I am poking my straight nose into this queer area,I would reply by describing a scene from a very very funny and interesting film ` Love and Other Disasters' where Mathew Rhys who plays a gay room mate of Brittany Murphy  and Santiago Cabera go out for dinner as it is `set up' by Murphy  who thinks that Santiago is gay and sweet for Rhys. Rhys character is obviously shocked when Cabera's character tells him that he is straight and not gay. Funnily, Rhys' character asks him ` Straight? Since when?', to which Santiago says that he is straight since he was eight and however hard he tried to develop interest in men, he would end up with women. The humour is largely due to inversion of the usual situation where it is the `straight' who would ask such questions to the gay and it would be the gay person who would give such a reply. The point probably is that heterosexuality too is as much a construct as homosexuality is. So my answer would be same as that of Santiagos but at the same time it would betray an awareness that people are not born straight, they become one.

Some years back, I was not very enthusiastic about feminism and gender studies as I felt that the subject was exhausted and that there was hardly anything new in the area. But that simply was my ignorance and complacence. My reading and understanding of feminism and gender studies was limited to the French theorists I read during my post-graduation days. I had a faint idea of something like `the Third Wave' of Feminism.But only after joining the MS University, thanks to my colleagues like Dr Deeptha Achar, who is an outstanding researcher in this area,  and the DRS SAP programme which organized seminars,colloqiums and workshops on the questions of Identity,  I got interested in the area of gender. We had find scholars like Prof Nivedita Menon and Prof Jasbir Jain in our Dept.

Besides my renewed interest in Wittgenstein enabled me to appreciate the work of theorists like Judith Butler in a new light. Just like Wittgenstein challenged the idea of ` transcendental meaning' which exists independently of speech acts or specific language use, we can challenge the idea of any such transcendental notions of gender existing independently of the specific language-event. That is gender, like most of other things, can hardly exist outside of specific performances, outside of ` language games'. This is obviously not exactly what Butler is talking about, but my way of reading her is from a Wittgensteinien perspective.

I also protest the idea that someone should be punished and discriminated against just because they are  different. Difference is not a disease. There is a huge amount of variation even within the categories perceived as monoliths like ` heterosexual'. No two heterosexuals have same sexual expressions and at the same time even a single heterosexual can express herself or himself differently over a period of time or in different context. Consider what is a state termed euphemistically as `sexual dysfunction'. A person sexually dysfunctional with a particular person may function `adequately' with another. Sexual expression is inseparable from relationships ( which means it is always socially conditioned).It is in such a huge range of variation of sexual expressions, that one should locate the terms such as ` heterosexual' and ` the homosexual'. The binary terms are not really water tight compartments nor are they `homogeneous' or monolithic, There are homosexualities and there are heterosexualities.

In Indian context, homophobia most commonly manifests itself by equating homosexuality with anal penetration. People forget however, that anal sex is not limited to homosexuality but a part of common heterosexual practices too. Besides, patriarchal outlook delimits homosexuality to male sexuality and has no ways of understanding female homosexuality.
( more to come..)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Journeys into the Invisible World: A Personal Footnote to my Poems

When I start messing around with words and the diverse kinds of effects the words are capable of producing, a poem begins like a beginning of an unplanned journey. My poems are excursions into the enigma of being in this world. The world I alone inhabit overlaps with other worlds. However, these worlds are neither concentric nor the same. Exploring the creative possibilities of the language and the self, the poems journey into the worlds not easily visible to others. In the following write up, I attempt very briefly, at the risk of sounding a swellhead and vain, to discuss to some of the contexts, and try to understand for myself how they have shaped my poetry directly and indirectly. I will think aloud about my poetics and creative process and how it is caught up in other social, cultural and historical processes around me.
Poetry is essentially an exploration and a journey. 'Accident’ and 'chance’ have a very crucial role in my poems. My poem cannot afford to take a preconceived pattern of ideas and emotion as a point of departure and 'express’ them. This is the reason why it often ventures into anti/a social and the darker regions of my being, and emerges with the things that often startle me. A dark undercurrent of anguish, nightmare, and asphyxiation flows under the involved and startling pattern of images in my poems. I discard the traditional and established notions of 'poetic’ in the context of Indian culture, and seek to stretch the definition of poetry itself. One of the frequent techniques I employ is of keeping my dark and startling discoveries 'open’ to multiple interpretations. This way I attempt to interweave the private and public, personal and political, subjective and objective, individual and universal contexts into composite textiles called poems. I want my poems to discover and create things that were unknown to me. I have often asked myself: what is the relationship between my poetics and politics? What is relationship between what I write and where I write from? Where is my poetry in the culture I inhabit, and where is the culture in the poems I inhabit?
Cultures are gleaned on geography: colours of the earth, trees, and animals, colours of people, smell of their songs, their food, and fascinating wilderness of our souls. The seashore, dense greenery and dark landscape of Valsad, a small coastal town in South Gujarat, where I was born is an essential part of my consciousness. I am second of the two children of a Maharastrian Chitpavan Brahmin who migrated to Gujarat in the sixties. Displacements and dislocations are really replacements and relocations. I call up the famous quote attributed to Hugo, Abbot of St. Victor, 12th century: "The man who finds his homeland sweet is still a tender beginner; he to whom every soil is as his native one is already strong; but he is perfect to whom the entire world is as a foreign land [perfectus vero cui mundus totus exilium est]”. With due apologies to Rev Hugo, I am far from perfect.

Unlike Vadodara, where I live and teach today, and which is almost an island of Maharashtra in Gujarat, the environment in which I grew up was completely Gujarati. Marathi was the language we used at home and Gujarati everywhere else. I completed most of my schooling from 'English Medium’ schools at Valsad and obtained my BA from a local college in 1990. When you have English as a medium of instruction in India, you end up with inadequate knowledge of any language. The term 'English Medium’, is bit of a joke in the average schools of small towns, it means that your knowledge of English is 'medium’- neither good, nor bad.
Though Valsad is a semi urban town, it bears witness to the large-scale movements of globalization and privatization. It saw, like many cites and towns across the country, the extremely rapid process of unplanned urbanization. It witnessed how colossal industrial township of Vapi rose to its heights at one time and then underwent harrowing recession later. It also witnessed the Cola Wars and a wave of information technology in the form of the Internet and mobile phones. In the post-Emergency period, Valsad, Gujarat, and India have also seen bureaucratic corruption becoming a norm rather than an exception, a systematic and accepted arrangement rather than a clandestine act. We also witness how politics and public sphere are becoming deeply criminalized. Ironically, the land of Gandhi became the laboratory of politics of religious hatred. Gujarat witnessed unprecedented communal riots in the history of Independent India. How has this changed society affected my poetry? The sense of despair and helplessness that pervades my poetry is connected, not just with personal grief and frustration but also to this social predicament. Unlike others who believe in rhetoric of progress and enlightenment, in a truly post-modern sense, I harbour deep skepticism about all grand narratives and metanarratives of progress, equality, liberty, fraternity, salvation, and what not.
In school days, I developed a lifelong companionship with chronic loneliness, chronic asthma, and poetry -along with pubic hair. Poetry usually springs from such things. Suffering, as we all know, is the only true universal context of poetry. The physical and emotional suffering from my illness, and the resulting sense of humiliation, loneliness, and inferiority has played an important role in my writing. The chronic asthma and associated respiratory illness have encompassed my being to an extent that it touched almost all aspects of life. I coughed like a mutilated silencer of motorbike. Along with all these things began the anguish of a chain of one-sided crushes. Deep down within, I had fallen from my own eyes. I have lived inside a dark well, partly of my own making, and partly out of my destiny. 

School life for me was suffocation and a sort of nightfall. I found myself turning into a misfit, loner, and a shabby introverted boy with atrocious handwriting. My notebooks began from both the sides- on the back pages I doodled around and drew caricatures of the things I loved drawing the most- the dogs,  Mickey Mouse and a fat bald man with a cigarette in his mouth. When I was a kid I loved to draw. I remember drawing the scene from a movie called 'Mahabharata’ and to the amusement of people, the scene was of 'Draupadi Wastra Haran- The Stripping of Draupadi. I used to draw on the floor and the walls. I continued to paint up to my BA days and due to some unknown reason, I stopped painting and concentrated on poetry.
In 1985, for a year, I had been to Warora, a small town in the Vidarbha region of Maharastra, as my father decided to do honorary social work at Anandwan, a renowned organization founded by Baba Amte a noted social worker for service of leprosy patients and the tribals. I wrote some of my very early jejune poems in English and I remember Baba Amte’s comments on one of my poems: your son will not become a doctor or an engineer. Most of my poems were obviously juvenile and shabby.
In the school syllabus, for the first time I encountered what people call 'literature’. The English Canon, especially the Romantics- Blake, Shelley, Keats apart from Milton, Shakespeare and the rest of them, enthralled me. I don’t think this impact has worn out even today. Obviously, what I wrote was bad and some of my rather kind-hearted teachers went through it and even encouraged me to continue writing. I wrote in English because English was the language in which I first encountered 'literature’ and at the same time English was the only language I could write. I was also fond of translating and I even tried my hand at translating nothing less than Shakespeare’s soliloquies and Sri Aurobindo’s Savitri into Hindi! The choice of Hindi as a target language will puzzle many, but for me, then, it was a compelling choice. Hindi was the only Indian language, I could write a little bit tolerably in those days. Besides some sort of Hindutva ideology, which promoted Hindi as the true national language, did influence me. It was in air in those days in Gujarat. Retrospectively, I have seen how such 'airs’ are manufactured. Gujarat was 'laboratory of Hindutva’ in those days. I have witnessed how religious hatred is fanned and exploited for political gains. But the rhetoric of hatred thrives in a culture nourished on bogus and baseless values.
I went to Vadodara for my MA and I discovered significant twentieth century literatures and the philosophies of literature. The seminal Western modernist writers like Stevens, Eliot, Kafka, Holderlin, Yeats, Kundera, Dostoyevsky, Sterne, Brecht, Faulkner, and O Neil bedazzled me. I was baffled and wonderstruck by the audacity and rigorous scholarship of the influential critics of the later part of twentieth century. The continental and Anglo Saxon literary theory bewildered and captivated me. These years were crucial to the development of my sensibility. This experience modernized my creative writing and I experimented with very 'unpoetic’ images and pictures in my English poems. Many of my poems included in 'A Dirge for the Dead Dog’ belongs to this period. Vihang A. Naik, one of my friends and batchmates is a very active poet and used to arrange for poetry readings in the Department. My English poems in the collection are experiments to evoke my experience of bewilderment and astonishment of living in this world. They have a rather freakish and offbeat texture, and it is mainly due to my conscious attempt to capture the immediacy and freshness of this experience. At times, I allowed myself to indulge in the image, simply for the sake of image .In spite of the experimental nature of the craggy poetic language, each of my poems in 'A Dirge’ is a record of a distinctive type of pain- a pain that cannot be explained in any other terms. In many of my poems, Vadodara city with its university domes, old campus buildings, hostels, students, railways, bus stops, loneliness, despairs, and desires make their presence felt. This presence goes far beyond mere depiction of the places: it is an integral part of my sensibility. These are also poems of a small townie trying to come to terms with the city.
In Vadodara, I started writing in Marathi mainly out of curiosity, and due to influence of Dr. G N Devy, a reputed scholar and now a noted social activist, who taught us at the postgraduate programme. His book 'After Amnesia’ made me reflect upon the question of my identity and 'roots’- thankfully, I now realize that there is no such thing like 'roots’- all roots are inventions and constructs and even myths. One cannot appropriate one’s past completely, one can only do it strategically. Yet identities are 'package deals’, even if you select only a part of tradition/past, you bear the burden of the entire package. I have seen worst side of the politics of identity in the rise of communalism, casteism, regionalism, and linguistic chauvinism. But this idea made me turn to Marathi as language of poetry. I discovered to my pleasure that I could use Marathi more imaginatively and creatively than English. Even then, I don’t think I can agree with the dogma that one should write only in ones first language. But one has to agree that plenty of hype is associated with Indian writing in English, thanks to its metropolitan social base and colonial history. I am terribly bored of the hackneyed themes of exiles, diasporas and the NRI stuff that is staple of most of the 'reputed’ Indian writing in English, especially fiction. After reading Kundera, Grass, and Marquez, I have always wondered why a writer as derivative in style as Rushdie would be worshiped in India and abroad.
My Marathi poems were modernist right from the beginning and the conventional, clichéd and sentimental poetry repulsed me. Maharashtra, not unlike other Indian states, is a fairly large-scale industry of such hackneyed and stale 'poetry’ and its output is in tonnes. At times, I feel fortunate not to study Marathi poetry in school. Right from the beginning, I found that most of the celebrated poets in Marathi like Kusumagraj, Mangesh Padgaonkar, Indira Sant, and Vasant Bapat used Marathi language and poetics that belonged to Jurassic Age, of course, without its primitive splendour. Marathi as a literary language was an acquired language for me and I read whatever appealed to me in Marathi. I enjoyed Narayan Surve, Sadanand Rege and Dilip Chitre. Marathi that I used at home was the language, which came closer to the standard Marathi, and so I lacked a living contact with various rich dialects and slang. In short, my location and upbringing deprived me of language variety. Interestingly, the language, which I inherited, was a strange concoction: a potpourri of Ratnagiri accent/dialect (the region to which my Father belongs, southern coastal region of Maharastra) and strange lexical items Kannada language variety from Belguam (the city on the border of Maharastra and Karnataka), the place where my mother was born and brought up. Besides, many Gujarati-isms had also crept in over a period. The linguistic proximity between Gujarati and Marathi was more of a headache for me, as many a times I was unsure whether a certain word is Gujarati or Marathi.
I got a job as a lecturer in English in an undergraduate college at Navsari, another town near Surat. I completed my doctorate in translation studies from the South Gujarat University, Surat. I was extremely happy to get involved in the things that always fascinated me: translation and poetry. I translated around one hundred poems of Narsinh Mehta, the great fifteenth century Gujarati poet into English for my thesis-by-translation. This research had a definite personal and political dimension to it as perhaps all research has , in spite of the claim of unequivocal 'neutrality' and 'objectivity' usually associated with the term. As a Maharastrian, born and brought up in Gujarat, and into the profession of teaching English literature and language, I discovered that translation is a way of making intimate ties across languages, cultures, historical periods, and across regions. Translation becomes one the strategies of relocating oneself in the complex cultural and linguistic topography of Indian society. The research into the pre-medieval Indian literature, its poetics, its politics, and its sociology was also a quest into a very crucial phase of the evolution of the modern Indian languages, cultures, and identity. Besides, being a part of English Studies establishment, this research bore testimony to certain dramatic reorientation of academic values, priorities, and attitudes long associated with traditional 'Eng.Lit.' academia. The very recognition of translation as a valid area of research and that too of a medieval Gujarati poet into English is possible today due to the heightened awareness of historical and political contexts in which English or Western literatures and the respective canons were produced, consumed, circulated, and promoted. Multiple cultures, languages, ideologies, and socio-cultural contexts are in built in my small humble personal history. Translation comes naturally for a writer working in such a context. Translation became one of the ways I can relate various multiplicities creatively. In our country, I feel every writer is a translator. I don’t see translation as a necessary evil invariably involving the `loss’ of the original. Rather, it is a creative act-a metaphorical act as one sees one language, culture, and text in terms of the other. Translation is also a negotiation with a world that is many times invisible to the readers.
Later, after my post graduation, I continued reading the great Latin American writers, poets like Paz, Neruda, Marquez, and Borges (whom encountered first in my MA). I gormandized Michel Benedict's surrealist anthology. Surprisingly, not many people are aware that most of the seminal texts we consume are translations. During the years after MA, apart from plenty of literature on translation studies and the bhakti literature which was part of my Ph.D., programme, I read the Dalit poetry, lot of Marathi poetry. When I was about to visit the Great Britain in 2000, I read contemporary British poetry: Hughes, Plath, Dylan Thomas, the Movement, the Group, the Martians and the newer ones. I discovered that after Hughes there was very little striking poetry being written in the Great Britain. There was very little 'excitement’ and 'kick’ in the lines I read. Most of them lacked genuine inventiveness, passion, or vision and read more like drab verbal puzzles. This may be due to the overdose of `writing programmes’. Unlike Marathi where the poetry factory was run by amateur lyricists, creative writing programme’ wallahs ran the poetry factory in the UK. Therefore, the staple of poetry written in either country was terribly boring.
I also read the modernist Gujarati poetry and found Ravji Patel, Shitanshu Mehta, Gulam Mohammed Sheikh, Suresh Joshi, Labhshankar Thaker and Manilal Desai exciting. Yes, their poetry has influenced mine. Unlike Marathi, contemporary Gujarati poets don’t seem to cherish or appreciate this brilliant heritage. They seem to be carried away by the 'ghazal’ culture. The materials and contents of the ghazal form seem to be very resistant to change and an avant-garde shift in these things would mean the loss of 'ghazaliat’. Dilip Jhaveri , Kamal Vora and few others poets are writing good poetry, but over all the scenario of poetry in Gujarati does not appeal to me much.
I was also interested in science and we started Vigyan Vivek Vartul, a small informal club with friends to promote science and scientific temper in Valsad. I enjoy popular writers on science like Stephen Hawking and Stephen Jay Gould. All this reading emerges in my writing and many times in unrecognized and unrecognizable forms. I also attempted to generate some sort of interest in serious poetry among the young people around me by forming a short lived 'poetry circle’. I could arrange some poetry readings at Navsari and Surat. The enthusiasm of the people involved in these activities died down slowly.
Almost a decade of working as a college teacher, by no means a considerable period, I was fortunate to roll my passion, profession, and hobby into one. I could reread Shakespeare, Eliot, and Derrida and discover things that I had not discovered before. Besides, I also was paid for it. So many times it happened that the poet, critic, student of literature and lecturer grappled with same problem and the discovery or insight for one would benefit the other within me. I could interact profitably with a very intelligent minority of young minds and experience the social reality in the sea of inarticulate faces coming from rural areas.
I returned to the Maharaja Sayajirao University of Baroda in May 2006, this time as Reader and often feel that I have left my Navsari and Valsad years far behind. However, they are with me, they are in me. Most of my students and colleagues are urban and come from a different social space. Baroda has liberated me more than once from the stagnation and has given me wings.
The best thing, however, to happen during my teaching years at Navsari is the friendship with a well known and brilliant Gujarati short story writer and novelist Nazir Mansuri. I admired his sharp intelligence, his study, his passionate and single-minded commitment to his art. I saw him write thousands of pages of fiction in the college and revising his longish fiction seven to eight times. His understanding of the technique and craft simply amazed me. His ardent defence of autonomy of art is something of an inspiration to me. We have long and meandering discussions on the various aspects of a writer’s craft, writer’s place in tradition and society. Translating and publishing Nazir and Mona Patrawalla, his wife and a very accomplished short story writer, has been a very illuminating experience for me. What I learnt was that most of the publishers and the readers in English came from urban and metropolitan background and therefore could hardly identify or appreciate authentic depiction of distant rural ethos. The translations of such stories involved long glossaries and notes in English. Besides, I learnt that the high profile publishers of English fiction in India had appalling knowledge of literary techniques and the craft. They would change paragraph breaks, omit lines, swallow, and rewrite sentences so that they would `read better’ in English as if these things were arbitrary in the original text. They hardly realized that an image, a description, paragraph sequences had a significant function in a work of fiction. This is probably because other writers in Indian languages, hungry for fame, would compromise with these things or that they could hardly read English. This is probably also because the publishers and readers of English fiction in India belong to a class that has hardly anything to do with the real Indian society. It may also be so because this class of users of English are not yet out of the colonial mind set.
Along with Narsinh Mehta, I also translated contemporary Marathi and Gujarati poetry into English. What I translated, again, was determined by my personal location: that of a Maharastrian living in purely Gujarati ambiance and environment. I was not in touch with the younger generation of Marathi poets writing seriously and creatively until I came in touch with Abhidha Nantar group and Shabdavedh group only in December 2002. Before that, I translated whatever little I came across and whatever appealed to me. I translated poems of elderly and lesser-known poets whom I knew personally. I translated poems of a bahujanwadi colleague Narsinh Parmar `Ujamba’. Narsinh Parmar’s were politically committed until recently. Some of his poems were good and I translated them into English. Ideologically, he was a severe critic of the brahmanical establishment as well as Dalit literature. He considered Dalit literature as equally casteist. His personal history is very interesting too. He came from a poor family and he was affected with polio. He worked as porter on a railway station. He studied for MA with Gujarati on the railway platform. He loved to interact with major Gujarati writers of his youth like Suresh Joshi and used to meet them personally. I came into touch with another senior Gujarati poet Mangal Rathod. I translated some of his poems into English. I won Poetry Translation Prize for Gujarati poetry awarded by Indian Literature, the journal of Sahitya Akademi in the year 2000. I had come into contact a senior Marathi poet Gopal Redgaonkar from Nashik. I used to correspond with him regarding various aspects of poetry. In spite of the fact that he wrote sentimental lyrical poetry in the fashion of noted Marathi poets like Kusumagraj and Grace, he appreciated my works, which were so unlike his. I translated some of his poems, which I liked. I also interacted with the critics like EV Ramakrishnan and Sudhakar Marathe regarding poetry. Prof. Ramakrishnan commented on the excessive use of abstractions in my poems and Prof. Marathe found that my poetry somehow do not communicate. He said unless they are purely imagistic, which many of them were, they should contain at least a small hint about what they were about. He drew my attention to an excellent essay by TS Eliot -'Three Voices of Poetry’ regarding the problem of poetic communication.
I translated from English to Marathi too. I had a good fortune of being a part of team translating an anthology of contemporary British writing New Writing 7 published by the British Council into Marathi. I discovered that I could not do justice to much of the work due the fact that the resources of Marathi language I had at my disposal were limited. It was almost a second language for me. Thanks to the encouragement and the guidance of the veteran translators like Prof. Kimbahune, Prof. Pradeep Deshpande and Prof. Sudhakar Marathe, I improved as a translator into Marathi. What I admired about these senior scholars was the extraordinary insistence on precision of interpretation of English words and the meaning of Marathi. Prof Marathe, I remember, talked about the dearth of recourses for a person translating into Marathi: good dictionaries, thesauri, glossaries technical glosses and the like. As a translator I find that this indeed a serious problem I guess this must be a problem even in many other Indian languages. Marathi that I used at home was the language, which came closer to the standard Marathi, and so I lacked a living contact with various rich dialects and slang. In short, I was deprived, mainly to may location and upbringing, of language variety.
During the final years of the millennium, I ran into a very dynamic group of Marathi poets of my generation associated with Abhidha Nantar Magazine from Mumbai and Shabdavedh from Buldana. These periodicals ceased publication in 2009, after fulfilling a very important cultural function. These poets were struggling to come out the shadows of the modernist Marathi poets and trying to come to terms with the changed social reality that lay in front of them. I feel my mature Marathi poetry owes much to this group. It honed and fine-tuned my sensibility and allowed me to see what I should be doing and what I should avoid doing in poetry. This helped to inculcate a historical awareness of the context of Marathi poetry. My meeting with Dilip Chitre, our own 'renaissance man’, in Pune had a healthy effect on me. It helped me to clarify my own perspective about the contexts of contemporary Marathi poetry. I lacked all these things chiefly due to laziness, but also due to distance from Marathi society, culture, and literary traditions. Abhidha Nantar and Shabdavedh came from two different geographical and cultural locations: one is metropolitan, urban and the other rural-the categories so significant to any understanding of Indian culture and society. Abhidha was itself closer to the Euro American- modern and post-modern poetry and its emphasis on individual, and Shabdavedh was closer to post colonial quest for indigenous traditions (nativism), and the communal spirit. These poles were not always dialectically related. It was my fate to stand in between these two worlds like the amphibian fate of a translator. I belonged to both these spaces. The common point between the two magazines was the desire to do something different from what has already been done: both by the conventional 'popular’ poetry and the counter-conventional modernist poetry. Yet it is not simply the desire to be different for the sake of difference, but the desire to make poetry more relevant to the changed social and cultural environment we inhabit.
Like most of my fellow poets, I have often asked myself: What is the relation of 'tradition’-that is what has already been done- and our individual talent? I recall the well-grounded advice Eliot gave in his celebrated essay with a corresponding title in the beginning of last century to the poet: he should be quite aware of the obvious fact that art never improves, but that the material of art is never quite the same. The materials of poetry have changed. Historical sense- the sense of what has already been done and its relation to the individual talent remains the essential question for the poets writing today. I have used and abused terms like Spam, SMS, or Virus for my metaphorical and symbolic purposes. The grammar of poetry hardly changes, what changes is its timbre, texture and content. I have written a poem about archaic linkage between the primitive cave paintings, cyber-pornography, and graffiti on public urinals, and how I feel alienated from the entire temporal narrative that connects the drawing of fertility goddesses with cyber porn. The themes of sexual frustration, alienation, lack of self esteem might be eternal, but I realized how they are interwoven into the semiotics of contemporary culture.

 Globalization has altered what Yurij Lotman terms as ` Semiosphere’, we inhabit and if our poetry has to have any contemporary relevance it has to recognize its intertextual relationship with this semiosphere. This altered semiosphere was ubiquitous in the metropolis when the little magazines like Saushthav, Shabdavedh and Abdhidhanantar took off. Today, I think this altered semiosphere is unavoidable even in the villages. So when I translated and edited an anthology of contemporary Marathi poetry titled ' Live Update: An Anthology of Recent Marathi Poetry’ published by Poetrywala, the English imprint of Abhidhanantar in 2005, I divided the contemporary Marathi poetry into two visible clusters based on the location of the poets: those who were located in the metropolis and those who were based in non-metropolitan and largely rural spaces. I also commented on the 'digital divide’ and the `rural-urban’ divide in the introduction.
The relationship between the two clusters of contemporary Marathi poetry deteriorated after the publication of the anthology and resulted in a full-fledged mud-slinging match. The group of poets and critics based in non-metropolitan locations accused the metropolitan poets and critics of lacking in social commitment and celebrating globalization uncritically. I intervened often by repeating that the metropolitan poetry of as much a product of cultural and social crisis resulting from globalization and the accusations were not based on careful reading of metropolitan poetry. The great globalization wars in contemporary Marathi poetry reflected the biases and prejudices between metropolitan/cosmopolitan space and non-metropolitan/ 'native’ space. The senior critics were roped into the mud-slinging matches and they did an equally bad job by not substantiating their positions with actual reading of the specific texts of metropolitan poetry. New little magazines like Navakshar Darshan and Aivaji were started by the people who were once with the Abhidha and Shabdavedh. How was I located on the divide? I asserted my position by opposing the simplistic jingoistic poetry and by saying that the poets should primarily be committed to poetry. I also criticized the superficial fashionable 'dot.com’ poetry and the 'breaking news’ school of poetry which used the buzzwords from the world of internet and cell-phones to appear 'contemporary’. Belonging to neither worlds, I saw that both the positions were reductive, naïve and even irrelevant. However, what I regret today, that in trying to make my position clear, I became too irreverent, vicious and contemptuous, which was uncalled for and today I apologize to the people and journals I insulted.
I have always believed that the creative act is a political and social act. Art is deeply political, not because it expresses a set political ideology or a party programme, but it because it interrogates simplifications, reductions, clichés, and the ossified ways of seeing and thinking. It involves risks that are not merely social or political but also emotional. The tinkering with words has its own dangers and pleasures. When one tinkers with words, one messes around with all the things that society has considered sacrosanct: ideas, images, worldviews, ideologies, cultures, selves, and others.
These are the personal, geographical, social, cultural contexts to my poetry and they have affected its materials and the worldview. These multiple contexts are interwoven into the fabric of my poems. However, I refuse to see poetry as a merely representational form of art. I believe that poetry does more than just reflect its contexts, personal or social. It is not merely a reflection of the world, either 'subjective’, or 'objective’, it is also a creation of a world. The world of my poems is the invisible world I inhabit, the world that is not simply my personal property, and the world which does it exist independently of me. But just because it is my world, it does not mean that I know its geography and my poems are the journeys that I undertake in search of my enigmatic destiny and destination in this world. And at some crossroads, I meet you.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Paradigm Shift

Decades-old Asthma and complicated relationship issues were a cause of immense misery, suffocation and great fatigue. My self-esteem was at its lowest though I was not doing all that badly in life. I felt my life was a chaos. At thirty six I wondered when will all this end finally. I tried psychiatrist, I toyed with the past life regression therapy and tried religion as therapy. I attended Landmark Forum out of hope and curiosity. I hoped that Landmark Forum would offer me some insight and show me some ways of dealing with this suffering. I had longed for some drastic paradigm shift in my life and Landmark did not let me down.

I always knew that my past was painful, but the Landmark taught me that I was responsible for it. I clung to it in the form of serious grievances and suppressed anger. I discovered that I had serious complaints and veiled anger beneath every single relationship. The blame-games (` racket’ in LM terminology) drain us of our vitality, joy and sense of freedom. The blame-games, Landmark revealed to me, were ways of evading responsibility.

Responsibility, here, is not in the sense of ` blame’ or `guilt’, as can be misunderstood. In fact, this is how I looked at things. I blamed myself and felt miserable about almost anything I did. This, Landmark Forum taught me, was actually a way of evading responsibility. One needs to reconsider the meaning of the word `responsibility’ here. The compact Oxford Dictionary defines responsibility as ` responsibility • noun (pl. responsibilities) 1 the state or fact of being responsible. 2 the opportunity or ability to act independently and take decisions without authorization. 3 a thing which one is required to do as part of a job, role, or legal obligation.”

I discovered that taking responsibility was not a way of blaming yourself or saying sorry to everyone I knew but to recognize my role in the mess I have created in my life. It means taking charge of your life which actually is extremely empowering. Blaming oneself or someone weakens you, taking up the responsibility makes you feel powerful. I was blaming everyone including (most importantly) myself for my miseries. Instead of blaming myself, I learned to owe up the suffering as my own creation and I have started doing something about it. I owe the sense of being in charge of my life to Landmark.

The Forum taught me to separate `what happened’ from ` what I made it mean for me’. For instance, my mother used to be very bitter and quarrelsome most of the time. I had extremely bitter and rancorous fights with her and then I kept feeling extremely guilty about it. My relationship with her was that of extreme anger, fear, revulsion, pity and guilt. I discovered that her behavior was due to her own disturbed life and I was actually adding to her unending sorrow. In some ways, I was responsible for her misery. And this was because I interpreted her behaviour to mean, ` she doesn’t love me or care for me’. Hence, during one of the assignment, I called her up from Mumbai and apologized to her for making her life miserable. I discovered that the wall I had created around myself to protect myself or rather avoid my mother was the wall I had created to avoid the whole world. I did the same with my father, Ashwini, my sister and even with my five year old kid. I felt the great burden on my back falling off, much in the way it falls off Christian’s back in the Pilgrim’s Progress. I felt incredibly light. I felt huge surge of energy flowing through my life once again. I was no longer dragging my life but was actually driving it.

The Forum’s philosophy that nothing has any meaning apart from the one that WE give it can actually be extremely powerful and liberating. I had given so many `meanings’ to asthma, incidents in my childhood and relations and these things actually had no ` meaning’ apart from the ones I gave them. Asthma is just a disease like thousand other diseases. But I had made it mean something. Like for example, that I was `unfortunate’ or that it was because of my parents or because of my nature and the things like that. It dawned upon me that asthma was nothing but asthma.

The Forum’s philosophy distinguishes between the choice and the decision. The term `decision’ like its etymological relative `incision’, involves cutting out the alternatives. The Forum sees `decision’ as being based on ` reasons’ rather than on responsibility and as being based on the past. I learned that choice is not dependent on reasons and life has no real alternatives from which we can select. You don’t decide upon your father or your disease or your being. I learned as asthma means asthma and nothing else I have learned to choose it. I have learnt the significance of the position which says ` I choose asthma because I choose asthma’. I no longer cling to it or make an issue out of it. In the same way I choose my distress and anguish because I choose my distress and anguish.

Thanks to the forum, the environment at my home has changed for better and the life appears in a new perspective. Once you realize and accept that it is you who are holding on to your past, past is no longer holding on to you. They equip you to change your rigid and ossified ways of thinking and behaving which are limiting you. These constraints fall off. You realize that you have wings and the earth is simply not interested in holding you down…

Friday, June 5, 2009

Returned from Pune


Returned from Pune today. Not very exciting one but I needed a break. But I am not definitely in good spirits as I simply hated travelling in 3rd Ac as it was so congested and the berths so low that I kept bumping my head everytime I moved it.
Visited PL Deshpande Udyan and found it fascinating. It is styled according to the philosophy of traditional Japanese gardening . It was so very peaceful.
Met Dilip Chitre, first time after he was taken seriously ill. He looked weak and has lost plenty of weight. But he is recovering. I know he is a fighter. I really admire that man. He can be unpleasant but he has this thing for taking out best from the people around him. He asked me if I still write poetry in English and what I was translating. Very inspiring. He had an exhibition of his paintings at Pundole and this man painted two more paintings on the very day I visited him. He told Mohan Borse that he paints at least two canvasses a day! Thats the spirit. I look up to him as my teacher, a stern one no doubt, but from whom I have learned a lot.
Met my Marathi poet friends Mangesh Kale, Saleel Wagh and Sandip Deshpande. Had a good time. I visited Saleel at his place as he had injured his feet. Mangesh as usual was brimming with ideas and plans.
Pankti and Vispi are very enthusiastic about Landmark Education programme and have kindly gifted me the membership for July 2009 Forum. Now as I am willing to go anywhere for improving my well being, I am going to give it a shot- remember my tryst with Past Life Regression? It is part of Aga Aga Mhashi phenomenon.
Brought many Marathi plays and films on dvd from Deccan Gym. I watch Ghashiram Kotwal and I must say I enjoyed it thoroughly. It again reminded me of Handoo's Palace Paradigm. Must say Tendulkar's plays are more complex than his political beliefs. The play ostentetiously refers to the post seventies manipulation of Shiv Sena by the Congress Govt to crush the socialist communist trade union movement, but the play however is more complex and universal. It shows how resistance is most often co-opted by the power structure.
My computer again is not keeping well, I will have to change its RAM. Yogeshbhai, my PC wala came and recommended me to change the RAM...
Neways.....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Remembering Vignan Vivek Vartul, Valsad


Spare a thought for a short story of Vignan Vivek Vartul, an ephemeral movement to popularize science in a small coastal town in the Southern Gujarat called Valsad in the nineties. Vignan Vivek Vartul literally means the Circle of Discerning Science Lovers. It organized talks of renowned scientists like Dr JJ Rawal, a famous astrophysicist from Science Centre, Mumbai, on 24 November 1998 and Prof P.C. Mehta, a well known physicist and mathematicians on the subjects like 'Life of Stars' on 28 April 1999 .


It arranged sky watching programs at the time of eclipses (1995 and 1999), comets like Hyakutake (26 Feb 1996) and Hale-Bopp (1997)and meteor showers like the Leonids. It also carried out a survey on the cause and effect of stress on the students of twelfth standard (science) in the schools in Valsad. It collaborated with Science Centre in Dharampur and organized various events for school and college students. The Circle met occasionally and discussed things like the relationship between science and spirituality. The movement fizzled out towards the end of the millennium. 
It was started by motley of young science enthusiasts sheerly out of their interest in science. The spearhead was Vikas Upadhyay, a bright psychology student, amateur astronomer, who presently works as the chief editor of a local Gujarati daily and the spear chiefly consisted of people like Satish Kulkarni, a chemistry graduate, Hitesh Parekh, an economics graduate, Kalpesh Desai, a chemistry graduate, Kandarp Trivedi, a lawyer and poet, Sunil Agarkar, an amateur aero-modeller and professionally a legal consultant, and Sachin Ketkar, a not-so-bright writer among others. These men were in their twenties or thirties then.

The unusual assortment of animals that constituted `V4’ had only two things in common: friendship and an unceasing itch for discussions on just about anything under the sun- and very often foraying into the things that lay beyond the sun too. The discussions were the usual young collegians’ discussions which frequently began with the Special Theory of Relativity and ended with sex. Very often the discussions were triggered off by the writings of a renowned Gujarati columnist Raman Pathak in the daily called the Gujarat Mitra. He called himself a 'rationalist’ and was an inspiration for an organization named Satya Shodhak Sabha in Surat. The work of this Sabha was eradication of superstitions by exposing the all too common 'miracles’. Pathak’s column ' Raman Brahman’ (literally 'Rovings of Raman’) consisted of sweeping, outrageous and often silly generalizations. Nevertheless it managed to be provoke and challenge the traditional thinking. He is a communist, a rare thing in Gujarat, an atheist and proponent of science and his writings propagated atheism. Unfortunately, his megalomania and arrogance usually got better of his ' rationality’. Science was presented as counter-traditional and anti-religious,which it very often is, but not always). Therefore it perturbed most of the intellectuals of southern Gujarat. Many of the 'intellectuals’ were Gandhians, who saw 'spirituality’ as something unproblematic and given. There was a lot of resistance to Pathak and Satya Shodhak Sabha and there was lot of verbiage regarding ' Synthesis of Science and Spirituality’. Spirituality, for most of the intellectuals of region meant Hindu Spirituality and more specifically Brahmin Spirituality. Gujarat, lest we forget it, is also the laboratory of Hindutva. I have witnessed how some version of Gandhism merges seamlessly into Godseism.
Many youngsters who started V-4 were dissatisfied with the polemical and negative approach of Raman Pathak and his followers. They rightly felt that this approach was only interested in ideological quarrels and was doing absolutely nothing about science which was something far more wonderful. They thought science was too important to be labelled as being merely a counter-traditional ideology of promoting atheism. Science, obviously, is not counter traditional for sake of being counter traditional. It is counter-traditional because the traditional framework very often fails to come up with a satisfactory explanation of phenomena under consideration. The term 'Vivek’ or 'Discernment' was an ingenious way of distancing itself from the Raman Pathak-Satya Shodhak Variety of looking at science
The Upadhyay-Kulkarni- Ketkar crew decided to make the organization more formal by making late Dr. BG Naik, a very retired lecturer and the principal of the science college, Valsad, the president of the circle. Late Prof Naik was a respected figure in Valsad. He was a veteran Gandhian and a science teacher. Interestingly, people hardly noticed a contradiction here. Gandhi was extremely allergic to things like Science and Technology and considered them as symbol of the Evil Western Civilization. Hence, Gandhian Scientist is in many ways a contradiction in terms. However, he was elected as president for many reasons. He had a background in academic science as well as certain reputation in the town. Both these things, we hoped, would make things smoother for us to gain access to the schools and colleges in the town. He had also written on various topics like the clichéd  ' Synthesis of Science and Spirituality’ etc.
The senior members of the group consisted of people like Mr Meghraj Bhatt, a senior teacher of mathematics in Sheth RJJ School, Valsad, Mr. Sikligar, a retired science teacher and an amateur radio expert, Prof Lipsa Adhvaryu, a lecturer in Psychology in the Chikli College and Mr Bhatt of Dharampur Science Centre among others. The group met infrequently and discussed and planned the programmes. This went on for around almost a decade or so.
The movement fizzled out due to various reasons. The first and foremost reason was that it was a movement in a wrong place. Valsad, being a small town, displays a typical small town mindset consisting of laziness, complacency and careless self-contentment. 'Cultural Activities’ are mostly evening pass time entertainment, comparable to going to the Tithal Sea Beach. Valsad has never been very enthusiastic about genuine intellectual activity. Many people used to call it a 'quiet town for retired people’ and most of its cultural and intellectual activities were of 'retired people’ variety. Vibrant youth culture was largely absent. As a result except for the team that started V-4, other youngsters did not involve themselves with the movement. Science requires some sort of intellectually keen, passionate and rebellious spirit which was absent among the young Valsadians. Hence, as soon as the group that had founded the movement was scattered in all directions , it was not replaced by another young group of science enthusiasts.
The second reason as I see it is that the lack of interest in pure science, as opposed to applied sciences like engineering etc, is a characteristic of the Indian society. Thousands of years ago, Indian society was keen on theoretical as well as applied aspects of science. One has only to think of celebrated names like Varahamihir or Aryabhatt or Charaka. The intellectual traditions in India dried up with time and were replaced with cynical anti-intellectual outlook which is characteristic of most of the educated Indians today. The decline of interest in science coincides with the rise of religious fanaticism and bigotry in the nineties.
The third reason is that though V-4 ideologically distanced itself from the Leftist leaning Satya Shodhak Sabha, it did not categorically distance itself from the hegemonic Brahmanism (read Hindutva). Most probably because the nuclear group of V-4 consisted largely of middle class Brahmins. Brahmins are fond of speculations and debates, but science is not merely speculation and debate. Its nucleus is the spirit of critical inquiry, experimentations and actual physical involvement in the laboratory. Arm chair science cannot go very far. The group was not really very 'counter traditional’, though it opposed the things like 'superstitions’ etc. Brahmanism too is not very sympathetic to 'superstitions’ which are mostly non-elitist and folk traditions. The movement would have greater significance had it been openly critical of Brahmanism.
However, the most important thing about this movement that it actually happened in an unlikely place and it was fuelled by unlikely people. It carried out many interesting activities which others would not have taken up in those times. Valsad, however, is not likely to remember such things. And more importantly for me- I was part of it and I cherish the memories.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Life Between Poems

2008 passed away like a limping bird. It was the Year of Terror and disillusionment. I cannot join my countrymen in their pledge against ` War Against Terror' as I am not sure what it means in the first place. War against whom? Against Pakistan? Terrorists in India? It reminded me of a Disney film `Lion King' where Simba's schemeing uncle Scar calls upon the hyeanas to `be prepared' and the hyeanas join in by shouting ` Be prepared', but they simply dont know `be prepared' for what? I think most of the people who have pledged for ` war against terror' are in similar state. The BJP feels that this means people who have declared `War against Terror' will vote for them. Amusingly, most of the people who have campained agaisnt ` War on Terror' are the people who hardly even vote. They have already insulated themselves against the dirty democratic process.

As a writer, it was a year of same old struggles and hopes. I am presently awaiting publication of my second collection of Marathi poems and embroiled in the same old headaches as a critic. A genuine Indian writer is always nowhere man living and writing in a no-man's land.

One evening as I was trying to fall asleep, a thought crossed my mind or rather crossed out my mind: that the life between writing two poems is utterly futile and meaningless and is of no relevance at all. The whole structure of morals and quarrels that we live out has no purpose apart from being what they are. Dilip Chitre said somewhere that he lived purely out of curiosity. I feel I have lived because I have no other choice. I don't have guts to exercise my choice of terminating my life. May be it is an extreme view of things, but I feel it is actually liberating.

As I continue to write without any appreciation ( Chitre writing about Kolatkar had said that in order to receive critical attention as a writer in India or Marathi, it is necessary to die, I continue writing in a cultural vaccuum as other people who know how to keep everyone happy or at least keep the people who matter happy continue to hold the stage. But then back to basics, who do you write for ? You write for yourselves and for the strangers. You cannot count on strangers as you cannot count on your acquaintances, I am counting on my enemies. They are my true sources of inspiration. Whats more I forgive them, and as Oscar Wilde says, nothing irritates them. I dont know where I would have been, had it not for them.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dual Personality of the Poet

When I was in Phaltan, a small ex-princely state near Pune in Maharashtra, one of my poet-friends Santosh Pawar, kindly decided to stay overnight with me and give me company. He lives in a small nearby town called Dahiwadi and has written a very good long poem ` Bhramistacha Jahirnama' which won him Abhidhanantar prize for Rs. 10,000/- some years back. Commenting my works, he said that there was strange duality about me. As a person I am loving, warm and affectionate but my poems are more arid and devoid of feelings. He pointed out that you love kids, family and friends but your poems are so dry and unfeeling. Well, well I was too tired to respond to it and said that I really don't know the reason for this. A similar view was expressed by some other friends in Valsad. They remarked that the person in my poetry is not the person they know. Not that this duality is something very profound or something. A famous and classic statement about this problem would obviously be TS Eliot's and his so called `theory of impersonality'. He makes the distinction between `the man who suffers' and `the man who writes'. The man who suffers has to take a backseat if he wants to transfer and communicate his feelings effectively. The feelings have to be `depersonalized' so that the reader can make them his own. So much so about the classical Eliotian/symbolist theory of communication of feelings in art. Then you have all those French neo-Symbolists ( so called structuralists and poststructuralists) with their notion of writing as `ecriture', as a practice of exploring symbols for their own sake rather than for the sake of communication. In ecriture the duality between the `man who suffers' and the `man who writes' vanishes because `man' vanishes. Man becomes yet one more symbol in the game of symbolic exploration. But obviously Santosh was not referring to the problem of artistic communication but to the duality within me as a human being. I asked myself: does the poet Sachin Ketkar want to avoid Sachin Ketkar the person? Is my writing, a yet another way of escaping the fact that I was constantly being threatened by my emotional self which seeks to submerge me? Poetry as a means to evade my self? The poet says you cannot allow yourself to be submerged and yet be a poet. There is a deeper split in my poetic self , probably, because the poetry becomes at once two contradictory things: means of articulating feelings and at the same time means of avoiding them. One forays into dangerous zones when one faces oneself. Yes I am in some way a sentimentalist : ` a man of feelings', but at the same time my poetry becomes my survival strategy, a coping device. My poems are unfeeling because I have too much of it in my life! I try to transmute my pain, emptiness and suffering into images, metaphors and symbols. This alchemical faculty is a gift. Probably like Derridian take on Plato's `pharmakon', a toxin that cures, a cure that kills. Interestingly, I find myself reading Eliot often and wonder at his relevance today for me. His meditations on art, craft and passion of poetry are probably the most profound ones I have ever read.