Showing posts with label asthma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label asthma. Show all posts

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Confessions of a Middle-Bencher: My Life in St. Joseph E.T. High School

Even today I dream ( quite literally)  of entering St. Joseph High school building on a monsoon day. I still dream of being admitted to the  school and studying in the class. I can clearly see Maniar madam, our English teacher, threaten us with her 'high' English if we did not behave properly. I see late Mr. Prajapati, our Math teacher, holding his own left shirt collar with his right hand and zealously teach us Math. " Is this the way we are going to study?", he asks me angrily and flings my notebook on my face. He had a curious way of using ' we' for you. He was a tall, dark and stern man who sent shivers through the spines of many. His zeal for Math bordered on fanaticism and whatever minuscule math I have in me, is because of this man. He was not ' nice'. He was a brilliant teacher. He proved that you don't have to be 'nice' and 'friendly' to be an excellent teacher. I still see Mr. Khurshid Pathan, our then Physics teacher demanding the I complete my Physics experiment journals. My palms still sweat at the thought. Mr. Pathan, in total contrast to Mr. Prajapati was nice and friendly, and very popular with girls. I still see Mr. Gupta,  our jolly roly-poly Hindi teacher (who I discovered today is also a poet and astrologer) getting stuck on the descriptions of food in Hindi lessons and struggling to leave them behind. He got struck at the description of baked potatoes in Premchand's 'Kafan'.

I can still remember Mathew Kotnani, my friend, tell me with excitement that one of my sarcastic poems have appeared in the local youth section of the Indian Express. This was my first publication. After that I became a public nuisance, and with the advent of the internet and blogging in the twenty first century, I became a global infliction.

I can still see the chloroformed frog meant for dissection in the Biology lab regain consciousness  and jump on the screaming girls. Today, I suspect, one of the pretty girls from our class must have kissed it and it must have turned into 'fully awake' frog instead of a prince. Women, those eternal optimists, seem to keep on kissing frogs for a long time in their life, and by the time they realize that the frogs will be frogs forever, they have their own tadpoles to nurture. Talking of princes, I also recall one of my classmates whose surname was Champaneri, who often used to come to the school on horseback!

I joined St. Joseph English Teaching High School, Valsad, in 1988, for my eleventh and twelfth standard because I did not have a choice and it seems, St. Joseph's admitted me because they did not have much choice either. I studied in Bai Avabai High School for most of my life and there was  no English medium eleventh and twelfth standard for science stream in Bai Avabai school and St. Joseph's was the only school which had this facility in those days. St. Joseph's was the only 'convent' school in our area in those days. My sister had studied there till her tenth standard and it was located at a stone's throw from our residence. The principal Sister Clara Fernandes in St. Joseph was not very happy at the idea of allowing 'desi', ill-mannered ruffians from Avabai to run freely in the more disciplined and elite school. I remember her giving a very stern piece of mind to the entire classroom for bad behaviour,  and her focus was on certain girls who talked 'inappropriately' with the boys.  Till I entered the 'convent' I associated 'Sisters' with people who either tied rakhi on your hand or jabbed a syringe into you. I was an awkward outsider who even did not know how to tie a tie. 

I was a committed middle-bencher. Unlike backbenchers and front benchers, I lived in the grey no-man's land of 'averageness', both in terms of intelligence as well as in terms of capacity for naughtiness. I was in the same place as far as looks were concerned and I marveled at my friend Abhay Thosar's wicked coolness at his being one of the handsomest and smartest kid in the class. He hardly got carried away by girls doting on him. Many of my friends from Avabai were there: Chinmay and Hoshedar for instance. I made new friends with Abhay, Sanat, Rajesh Jainval, Vivekand Pandey, Amit Purohit and Mathew Kotnani for instance. One of the good things about St. Joseph's was that unlike my one year at Kendriya Vidyalaya, Ordnance Factory, Chandrapur, I was not bullied or humiliated.

This was the period when asthma became more chronic, and started to pervade my life. I remember this was the period, when on insistence of  one Shri Prabhuji, a family friend and a local holy man, I started doing all sorts of trick to get rid of asthma. He suggested that I wake up very early in the morning, study for the twelfth standard with my friend Chetan Patel, go for jogging, or go cycling to Tithal Sai Mandir some five to six kilometers from my house, do ' alni' fasts or salt-free meal days , count beads chanting Gayatri mantra, chant Hanuman chalisa, water basil plant or go to Shiva temple on Mondays. Obviously, all this did not work. I remember sitting on the veranda in the afternoons on the days when I could not attend schools due to asthma attack and watching students of St. Joseph, especially the girls, return home.

People expected me to do well in the exams. I scored fifty-odd percent. Baba believed that a person who knows a bit of English and knows stenography will never die of hunger and there was no point in doing B.Sc and work in a factory  in Vapi as a chemist from eight in morning to six in the evening. On his suggestion, I took up B.A with English course from Valsad. People were shocked. Arts was seen as the lowest rung of the educational Varnashrama with medicine and engineering at the top. I never even dreamed of doing doctorate and teach in one of the best universities in India. The middle-bencher was basically a day dreamer, and not a dreamer. He sat in the ambivalent middle of the spectrum, and doodled away cartoon characters in his rough work book. He is not difficult to find, just look around you.


( St. Joseph English  Teaching High School, Valsad, is celebrating its Diamond Jubilee in December this year)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Aga Aga Mhashi




T
here is an old rhyme in Marathi,
` Aga Aga Mhashi, Mala kuthe neshi..!' which can be roughly rendered as ` O my buffalo where are you taking me?!'. These lofty words, it is believed, were uttered by a great Man in Our Village, who blamed his buffalo for taking him where he was going because he had held on to her. In my case, the buffalo is my Good Old Asthma and see where is it taking me. It took me to Sai Mandir, Valsad daily at 5.30 in morning on my bicycle when I was studying in eleventh , way back in 1989. I did ` Alni Upwas' or Hindu method of fasting by eating things that dont have salt in them.I watered Tulsi, chanted Hanuman Chalisa and Gayatri Mantra, practised pranayama in the early nineties with a desperate hope that a miracle may happen and the disease may vanish. All this was done on the recommendation of the late Mr. Ram Sathye, a local holyman whom people called `prabhu'. Nothing worked. Prabhu is in his heaven and Sachin's asthma is deteriorating.

Later, the Great Man of Valsad ( that's me) gave a shot to more or less bizarre things- swallowing Hyderabadi Fish, homeopathic pills, ayurvedic powders and also psychiatric councelling. The respected counceller believes that I am being unnecessarily fussy about asthma. Asthmatic ki gat Asthmatic jaane.

And tell you what, tommorow I am headed for Dr. Newton's workshop on Past Life Therapy!


Who know it may reveal that in my past livee I was choked, strangulated, drowned or decapitated and this experience may be the reason for my choking in this life.

Why all of a sudden, are you headed for this bizarre new thing now Mr. Ketkar? Hope, my dear friends, hope. This buffalo is taking me places.

One of the factors that has influenced me is Dr Brian Weiss, whose books have whetted my curiosity.

But more important reason behind trying these things is probably not what many people would understand. Only poets can understand these things. If I could access my past lives, I would have more maal masala for my poetry and fiction! Being a poet has these occupational hazards, folks.

Monday, April 9, 2007

The Phoenix?

After a hectic, depressing, sickening and stressful month, my life is slowly returning to normal. At least apparently. Asthma is more or less under control, thanks to regular intake of Montelukast. Assessment work for internal test is more or less over. Supervision etc is underway and the assessment for the university exams will begin soon. I am coming out of the Slough of Despond and the Giant Despair is loosening his grip over me. May be I am catching a glimpse of faint light at the other end of the tunnel of this Dark Night of the Soul.

Love is a healing agent. The cupid kindly pays a visit to me and instead of shooting me he holds out his helping hand. Optimism? I am not famous for that. Was reading about the Generation X, the generation born in the sixties and seventies and discovered that cynicism and disillusionment is trade mark of my generation. Well thats true at least in my case.Wow, it is almost a year after I changed the job and came to Baroda. I have remained extremely busy with extra-curricular activities through out the year. But the activities are better, related to literature and culture at least.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Poetics of Depression and Asthma as a Trope

I don't know how long I have been living with the things like depression, asthma and poetry. All the three erupted with puberty I think. My poetry is poetry of a depressed man, an asthmatic and hence depressed and asthmatic in its own imaginative way.My poetics are the poetics of depression and my tropes are the tropes of suffocation.
I pressed the panic button when asthma went completely out of hand after October 2006 and I started thinking seriously about some alternative therapy like Pranayama, Ayurveda or something equally exotic. Actually I had lost faith in all these things long time back after trying them. But then I thought lets give them one more chance.
I even consulted a counceller and a psychotherapist. From past month or two I am on anti-depressants.It seemed that they were working but after a recent bout of asthma a week back, the things are bad. I feel so low that I dont feel like going out or even leaving my bed. I just want to be alone and probably I have not cried to my heart's content. And what's more, I don't feel like writing too. Which is really bad. Poetry helped me to survive and if I lose it, I don't know what to do and where to go.
The contemporary Marathi poetry scenario is quite dispiriting too. I feel hopeless after looking and participating in various so called `debates' and `controversies' over contemporary Marathi poetry. People's views about poetry areso so crude and simplistic that it has become impossible to reason with them. I feel I should not have started writing criticism in the first place and I feel I should not have got so involved with my contemporaries so much. They are bad influences on your creativity at times.
Yes. I have to write with absolutely no expectation of recognition or even a sensible response. I have to live with these things and get used to them, I think. The real test for any artist, and I hold that poet is an artist, is to live without any recognition, after all what else does any artist hope for in her or his life? To write with perfect hopelessless, thats the test of your integrity as a poet and appearing for this exam. If I clear this exam, I am a very good poet indeed.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Asthma Bakhar?

My Yahoo360 Blog is turning into my online Asthma diary and that is rather unfortunate. My last entry says that asthma is on decline. But after five months, I can only say that it is still very much alive and kicking. I had three severe attacks in the last six months and many more minor ones.

On the fourteenth of this month, I had to be given steriods injection and a Deriphylin injection. Plus, the nebulizer. O it is terrible, if this is the state of affairs at the age of 34, who knows what is in store for me?

Rather strong medications have made me very restless. I have all these tremors and palpitations, courtesy Bricanyl and Asthalin and I have frequent urination and uneasiness courtesy god knows what.

All these papers to assess, papers to be set and social and anti social commitments to be honoured. Well I am definately stressed and distressed.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Asthma under control and Enter the Snake

After heavy medication, asthma seems to be on retreat.

Amogh and Aai were standing on the veranda when a huge black snake crossed the street. Vikram Baug, the residential quarters alloted to us by the university, is actually a zoo. We have plenty of monkeys, serpents, squirrels, all sorts of insects and what not around us.

Actually Vadodara belongs to monkeys, snakes and squirrels. Humans have colonized it, appropriated it and spoilt it.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Entry for October 14, 2006

While my blog on MSN deals with my life as a writer, I felt that this `Bakhar' would be the place to give the khabar related to my life.

So whats up doc? Nothing much except that my best friend Mr. Asthma has returned with a vengence. Or rather that he was always by my side, only that he was `managed' and so forgotten. From past three days he says that enough of `management' and out with it. So experimenting with medicines and moods. I did not have even a wink of sleep last night and sleep seems to have evaporated. And my best friend seems to go off like a time bomb at four. They describe it as being `triggered'. So waiting and watching nervously what my trigger happy companion will do next.