The Nice Guy Myth : The Personas of Deception

One of the many revalations after the Landmark F0rum was the shattering of the illusion of being the ` Mr Nice Guy'. I discovered that I had `rackets' with almost everyone and treated people close to me with certain cruelty and cold-bloodedness. The `nice guy' persona would be one of my ` strong suits' which I used to abuse people. I had the habit of carrying grudge within my heart and using it a nasty ways at strategic moments. I used to be so very vindictive.All this, of course, was draining me as well as my loved ones of vitality and happiness.

I always knew I was the `nice guy' and lived under this illusion taking for granted that others would be thinking the same thing about me. I also resented being the `nice guy' and wanted to be aggressive and assertive( I could not distinguish between the two in practice, though in theory I was no so confused). I believed, so errorenously, that being the nice guy was the cause of my suffering. It was being a ` good guy' that was the root of my misery as people treated me like a doormat and I could not stand up to them. I wished I were not so good. But now that I realized that I was never or hardly good.

The ` Strong Suit', according to LM philosophy, is that fixed mode of being by which we get the things done. This `strong suit' is a result of some childhood incident where we decide to don this strong suit. In my childhood, or rather boyhood, I remember getting into fights with some of the boy. These fights would result in my being beaten up and probably I had decided then that I would use my `good nature' rather than fisticuffs to get things done. The strong suit of the `good guy'which I am wearing has indeed helped me get the things done, but as the Forum Leaders point out, there is not satisfaction in this sort of sucess as I always believe that I should have got it done more aggressively.

Hence, all the `good guys' and `nice guys' out there, please think again about the persona you are wearing. Probably, you have learned the art of hurting others and yet managing to convince others ( not the people whom you have hurt, of course) that you are good natured. This obviously is my experience, yours may not be so negative as mine.